No amount of coffee, no amount of crying

When I was little, I loved my garden.
There was absolutely no place I'd rather be than squirming around on the dirt, face meeting the gravel occasionally, hands caressing the flowers that adorned the perfectly trimmed bushes and trees. I remember digging random holes to see if the ants or perhaps a mole might present themselves to me. I was blissfully entertained. Child's play.

When I grew a little older, perhaps just before I hit my teens, I loved photography. Maybe it was the environment I grew up in, that inspired my attraction to the language a camera speaks. I would run around taking photographs at gatherings, on holidays, on buses, on tour trains, boats, at home, in my room, on my desk. I remember with vague details, setting up a photoblog once, to show the World the pictures I took. I was blissfully entertained. Child's play.

A year passed.
I fell in love with editting graphics. I would steal random, abstract photographs off image searches, perhaps using a few of my older photographs as bases. I would input phrases I found meaningful into most of them. "The Blowers' Daughter", "This is your life.", "I just found out there's no such thing as a real World.", "Look at the stars, look how they shine for you." After a while, when my computer deteoriated, so did my passion. But, I was blissfully entertained. Child's play.

Hitting my mid-teens, perhaps 2 years prior to this entry, I fell in love with ambient music.
I remember the solace I found in simply being glued to my chair, headphones on and perhaps something lengthy to explore. A book perhaps. Sigur Ros, M83, Zero 7, Explosions in the Sky, Boards of Canada, Godspeed You Black Emperor!, Mogwai, Pelican, and Film School were the masters of my days. Hours were spent revelling in their beauty, as I conjured images of the purest euphoria my mind would know and - has known. Epiphany after epiphany, book after book would pass. But I was happy. Blissfully entertained. My "child's play".

They say that what canvas was to an artist in centuries past, is what film is to us now. What their paints could capture, our cameras can capture now. "Camera Obscura" is latin for "Dark Chamber". A chamber where an artist would give life to his canvas sheet. A chamber where the artist was alone, in darkness, albeit for the pin hole of light that gave rise to his creation and his depiction of the World. What "Camera Obscura" was to that artist, is what the camera presently is to us.

Past or present, we will always find ways to capture what our heart desires. What matters is whether we'd still have the desire to fill our heart.

What filled my heart 10, 5, 2 years ago.. can be replaced.
What photography was to me, something else may present a replacement.

I type this entry as I began my new journey into a new hobby.
A good book, a good cafe. Good ice-cream, good music. Early hours. Pretty girls. Perhaps not. :)
Good friends. Blissful entertainment. Child's play.

This is my life. Rather, this is the start of me living my life.
A replacement.
A filling of void.

What Camera Obscura was to an artist, - my eyes are to me.
Wish me luck.